These are the feelings I am having. I know these feelings are normal because I connect and mastermind with leaders and managers all over the world who are feeling the same way. Perhaps you have had many of these feelings but haven’t been able to articulate or deal with them.
Often, as leaders, partners, managers, parents, whatever our roles are, we numb ourselves so that we can appear strong as needed. However, feeling our feelings and modeling behaviors for those watching, is essential. This is true when we are modeling positive and negative behaviors. Hopefully the negative behaviors are acknowledged as such for the learning to be positive.
Anger.
This is often a cover up for emotions that we don’t want to feel – hurt, sadness, insecurities
But anger can be a tool to affect positive change. Use it wisely.
Sadness.
Feel it. Own it. Be in it. But don’t let it own you.
Grief.
Something has to die for change to happen. This is true for our thoughts to change as well as our behaviors. Imagine if everyone is grieving at the same time. Grief looks different for everyone, but it’s required. How can we support each other through this?
Anger again. Let it propel you purposefully.
What can you do?
Feel.
Do not numb. I practice the micro-meltdown: a few seconds or minutes of extreme feelings. This helps me avoid major meltdowns that leave me exhausted and take me out of the game.
Be curious.
Notice your feelings. Try to make sense of them. Ask yourself: “Why do I feel this way?” Keep asking yourself.
This will only work if you are open to feelings and not numbing yourself. In fact, numbing yourself can often cause confusion when the feelings bubble up and you’re not sure where they can from.
Decide.
What do you want? Be clear if you can. Who do you need to be to really be the person who is capable of getting that or supporting that cause or accomplishing that goal?
Unlearn.
Wanting to change is not enough. We must unlearn our old behaviors to fully develop new behaviors.
Vision.
Keep the end goal in mind. But be kind and flexible with the plan and milestones.
To recap, if you’re not feeling lots of feelings these days with pandemics, quarantine & isolation, protests, riots, (and has life stopped? No, it is still messing with us everyday) and life, then you are either numbing yourself completely (which will likely cause a complete meltdown at some stage) or you might be a sociopath. Just saying.
Lean in. Feel. Notice. Decide. Do.